i am sorry daddy

it was supposed to be a lovely night. i met a group of pharmacists and we played badminton together. i can't describe how delighted it was when they invite me for the next badminton outing. it has been 8 years and desmond, my taylor's college buddy is still the same old, friendly chap. I dragged cafu along and it was indeed surprising that he mingled well with them. afterall, cafu is a shy boy. wink wink

it was also the night that i scolded my dad for the first time. to make matters worse, i scolded him in public, putting aside his pride and fame as a doctor. i dreaded his actions. i shouted at the top of my voice, gave him the coldest stare and stormed off. he called me and begged me not to tell mommy. I had no choice. I don't want mommy to be sad again. we acted as if nothing had happened at home. we had dinner as usual. he tried to talk to me, but i gave him one syllabus answer. then, i sent him a horrible sms. i told him that unless and until he quit 'that action', i am not going to talk to him anymore. he didn't reply my sms. he had stopped talking to me too. i am feeling guilty now. But, i have only one daddy. i don't want anything bad to happen to him. sob. what should i do now?

i'm sorry daddy but i hope things will change before it is too late

p/s : my dad is not having an affair

that extra title

it has been exactly one week since i left med school, my pinkish room and my lovely friends. I could feel tonnes of weight over my upper eyelids as i tore down that wrinkled, dusty curtain which was perfectly painted with huge daisies. Then, it all came back in fragments. Those sweet moments were vague. I could no longer recall the details but it was sweet Tasha who chose the curtain for me. she said that pink is sweet. I wanted a blue sheet of cloth initially.

I had always wanted to vacate this comfy room for good. When it was the time to do so, I left with a heavy heart, wondering if i would ever see this room again. I took one last gaze. The bookshelf was empty. The window was dull. The mattress was no longer alluring. I inserted the key into the keyhole, knocked on Julianna's door to bid farewell. I knew that i am going to miss M428 and my noisy, cranky neighbor.

I accompanied my aunt for her routine follow up in the health clinic the following day. I was daydreaming when the Chinese uncle who sat next to me told me that................

'i don't know whether these doctors know how to treat patients. They are all so young! I bet that they do not have the experience to do so. '

I gave him a sheepish grin. While most of us are proud to have that extra title in front of our names, I suddenly realize that i had a license to kill. Looking at that same old uncle, I felt so ashamed of myself. I do not know how to treat a simple conjunctivitis. If a patient comes to me with red sticky eyes, what drug should i prescribed? I guess i will give him Gentamicin eyedrop. But how long should he be on that antibiotic eyedrop? what is the dosage? how many times per day? are there other drugs besides gentamicin? I just want to be a safe young doctor. I want to safe more lives. I rather not be a doctor if i know that i will kill someone.

There is no point bragging that you are DR when knowledge and experience is so shallow. My daddy had told me to stay humble and that's what i am going to be. I've seen how some of us beam with pride when juniors addressed them as doctors. I do not know about them but i feel awkward when my own friends call me DR Lazy Lil Princess. After 5 years in medic school, i am still the same tiny me. I just hope that people will not turn arrogant with that extra title.

congrats sk!

the sun was hiding behind the clouds. it was yet another stressful night. She was sitting next to me, with that most decent smile being plastered on her face. Amidst those terrible palpitations, a sense of monotonous melanchony crept its way into my knuckled size heart. Our eyes met and it has been five years. She has never failed to be there through the thick and thins. There goes the quiet nights in india when she would snuggled and curled up like a ball under the covers in my lovely house.

My gaze was again fixed to the badminton court. There was where i met her.

'hey, can you become my hostel mate?'

I was merely floating in the air at that moment, beaming with joy. Being that lil spoilt princess, i had applied for a single room and had no choice but to turn her down. I was then bragging with pride to cafu.

'Cafu.... look! somebody came and talk to me!!! nobody wants you! haha'

I like the way she is. Simply becos she is about my height. She is tiny but yet mighty. Siew Kuan is the only distinction scorer in my batch! I am so proud of her! congrats babe!

Thanks for ..................

being my chatterbox.

waiting for me whenever we jog. I know i am slow.

decorating my indiana house with that big silver star.

the kluang station coffee.

borrowing me your bathroom when i had the greatest shock of my life in Sharada Hostel. Sharada was a nightmare.

being poor in driving.

sticking up for me whenever i met that most horrible person in my life.

for borrowing me a few bucks whenever i am hungry.

for becoming my guinea pig.

for keeping my secrets.

I walked up the flight of stairs last night and realized that you had left. Its time for a new chapter of our life. I had to say goodbye to our gossiping sessions. I do not know when we will sit next to each other again, just like how we used to. I clasped my fingers and pray silently that nothing will ever change our friendship.

I LOVE YOU SIEW KUAN!!

p/s : we are not lesbians

please............

she had never call me. she expected me to call her.
if i didn't call her.... she'll put the blame on me for not dialing her number.
she did not even remember that i had finished my theory although i told her the details the last time i went back to ipoh.
She did not know that i had been having butterflies in my tummy for the past one horrible week and how severe those palpitations were.
It has always been like that.
I used to hate her so much.
Ju told me that she'll be very heart broken if that happens to her.

But she called me three times during my long case yesterday!!
THREE TIMES!! wow..... that's something new!

the long case was bad. i was the last one to go in and to come out from the panel's room. I got a case of left sided pleural effusion secondary to lung carcinoma. i missed the liver which was so freaking small!! i percussed all the way up to the costal margin and it was resonant! that liver was below the subcostal margin at the anterior axillary line. her trachea was mildly shift to the right but Dr Niv did not agree with my findings!! grr............when she showed me the CXR... the trachea was really shifted to the right. damn!!

please Dr Niv.... don't fail me because of that! i heard that you are very understanding and kind.
Dr sach .... please help me too although i know that u are really cocky at times...