to ask for forgiveness

Alvin was staring at that orangie string around my left wrist in awe. 'So, that is your traditional religion huh? i thought you are a christian! ' Gosh!! since when i got baptized? i don't even wear a cross. he was not the first one who think so. my name must have been quite misleading. I do have plans to convert into christianity for i love churches. in fact, i wanted to walk on the aisle with a few lil cute flower girls on my wedding day. Mr tall A had once told me to understand more about my own religion before making that drastic decision. Don't ask me about buddhism. i don't know anything about buddhism until that pathetic moral class 2 years ago. Then, there i was falling in love slowly with the teachings of buddha.

Buddhist are supposed to follow the 5 core precepts.

1) DO NOT KILL

that means that i should not harm and cause any sufferings to other organisms. wait... i don't remember how many ants and cockroaches i had killed mercilessly. i have baygon in my room and i spray that insecticide when i see cockroaches crawling in. i had used my room slippers to smack at those ants which make my life miserable. then, i had used the broom to hit on dragonflies. the gigantic davidson is also a good source for killing insects. fast and painless :p

2) DO NOT STEAL

hmm..... i have stolen things before from the mall. owh... that was in standard 2. my eyes was glued to this particular pencil and i wanted it badly. And when you take bisacodyl from the ward without a prescription, do you call it stealing?

3) DO NOT LIE

i had been teling a lot of white lies...... 'oh kf, your spaghetti tastes so finger licking good!!! '

a buddhist is not supposed to gossip. owh!!! i gossiped almost every single day!!! so how? i hope God doesn't cut my tongue in hell.....

4) DO NOT MISUSE SEX

adultery is forbidden. owh... i shall skipped this part since i am not married.

5) DO NOT CONSUME ALCOHOL

oh no!!!! i just had a bottle of 5% vodka a fortnight ago. it was nice seriously. how do people survive without a lil bit of alcohol??

Anywayzz..... HAPPY WESAK DAY TO ALL

i have gone to ask for forgiveness in the temple this morning. i shall try not to kill insects and gossip anymore. i know its almost impossible to do so. there goes my job as a CNN reporter. sob..

i'll try to be a good girl buddha!! no worries!!

slow, fat and fucked up

so, it was another moment for a few seconds of reflection. what have i achieved for the past 4 days since the commencement of housemen shadowing? NOTHING!! i failed in all the simple procedures like blood taking ( Ok, the lady was a bit plump. nobody could noticed or feel for the veins ), inserting an IV brannula ( it was really bad. i didn't know where the needle had gone to ) and probing my lil finger into the distendable vagina ( i couldn't feel the cervix at all ).

life gets really fucked-up when your boyfriend managed to do all the procedures and you can't.he told me that his practical skills are better than mine and how slow i am. he was telling D that she'll pass her finals for sure and i am at the borderline, simply because i get panicked way too easily. so, should i weep like a baby? just like what miss SN did when she failed to withdraw blood? i remembered how difficult it was for me to learn how to take BP when i was in manipal. OK, that was supposed to be easy but i took longer than it should. i just need more time and practice. see.... its not easy being a slow learner. i took 8 years to realise that the side mirrors of a car serves a purpose. i took 4 months to realise that i couldn't feel the cervix because i did not probe deep enough, how short my fingers were and u need to probe at least 12 cm to reach the cervix.

i've learnt from experience. i could still remember the indian lady in A&E who developed an absence seizure so abruptly while she was talking to me. i didn't know what to do. i was merely standing there in a state of shock. it was like a vicious cycle. i met another malay lady who became unconcious while she was chatting with me. she was bleeding internally and was in so much pain. i held her hand and chatted with her to alleviate the pain in her. i knew how to alert the nurse when she became unconcious. i didn't stand there and stared at her anymore. she introduced me to her daughter..... inilah dr annie yang temankan mak dan tolong mak masa mak pengsan... fuyoh... so proud of myself. so, alert somebody and monitor the vitals when somebody become unconcious :p

to make matter worst.... OMY, Ju and M gave a remark that i have gain weight. Ok, its not something nice to hear. i want to highlight that you must be prepared to face cricitisms. only true friends will tell you that how much you have grown horizontally, how ugly you look with your new hairstyle, how horrible your dress is, how thick is that blusher that keeps your cheek pinkish.... There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore and who always will. So, don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason why they didnt make it to the future...

the excessive fat came from a change in my dietary habits. i have been consuming those oily food from gazebo, banana leaf rice and potatoes. i was never a fan of gazebo but had to be there just because somebody loves oily food. it has been so bad that i had to screen pics before kf upload them on facebook. i am going to go for diet now. no more fine carbo, chicken rice and potatoes. going to ban french fries... sob.. there goes my favorite food.

KF.... STOP FEEDING ME WITH OILY STUFFS! YOU ARE GETTING FAT FAT FAT!

SO I AM JUST ANOTHER SLOW, FAT, FUCKED UP MEDICAL STUDENT !!!!

redang trip

the colorful small sea- anemone like polyps that beat in uniform according to the rhythm of the tropical oceanic waves beneath the crystal clear salt water of redang island had the entire group mesmerized. i had always longed for the breeze to touch my pinkish cheek. i could still feel the hot breeze slapping my face now. we were astonished that we could feast our epicanthic folded eyes with an island that is so unpolluted, untouched. all of us had wanted a cheap getaway from the stressful shithole in malacca. Small Calvin got a nice package from the matta fair which includes a 3D2N chalet accommodation, snorkeling and food for RM 300. we had decided to drive to marang jetti for we couldn't trust any of the bus drivers anymore. kf had borrowed a 6 seater toyota wald from sani (his 3rd sister's colleague). Sani was so nice to us that he actually took the trouble to send his car for a bubble wash and vacuum. i guess that he must have gotten his jaw dropped so badly till it touches the ground once we returned his car. it was filled with fine sand.

we were all nestled in redang reef. This must be one of the worst hotel that i have ever been too for we had to clear our plates and cups after each meal!!! all of the workers had this peculiar whistle tied around their neck like a dog leash..... they'll blow the whistle whenever its dining time, snorkeling time etc.... i guess we were treated more like national service trainees than tourists. how pathetic!! thank god the food was superb and the room was cosy clean.

Snorkeling was supposed to be fun because the corals were so pretty and you could see naughty nemos darting in and out from those swaying corals. i got chickened once i saw a jellyfish right behind my shoulder. owh..... i inched to the shore as fast as i could as jellyfish sting could be awfully painful.... my pain threshold is super duper low... AND..kf did nothing to save me from the plastic like jellyfish!!!!!!!! next, we saw an eel (we thought that it was a coral initially and kf had disturbed that creature). we got a shock out of our lives once that slimy creature opens its mouth just to show us its sharp jagged tooth. it was then chasing after us. i guess that was the only momento that i swam during snorkeling. otherwise, i was merely floating on the surface and getting kf to pull me along. see...... that is what we call the extreme laziness. Kf had light headedness from hypoxia as he had to pull along a 44kg princess.

i had trespassed the magnificent laguna resort for i loved the swimming pool. the chlorinated water was warm. the scorching sun must have heated it up the whole day. otherwise, it would take 25 people to pee in the pool to have that awesome temperature. Silly kf was merely using his DSLR to capture me. i pitied him because he couldn't leave his camera by the poolside and jump in to enjoy the water. he had to stay some distance away from the pool for it might wet his lens. i was glad that nobody noticed that i had trespassed... it was written STRICTLY FOR LAGUNA GUESTS ONLY.... lol......all u need to do is.... walk in confidently :p

i had fallen in love with summer point. a group of singers sang so beautifully that we sat there for hours. kf had fallen asleep under the stars for 2 nights. he had always wanted to know what i did while he was in his dream land. i slept on the hammock, counting stars. i am loyal OK? stop having delusion of infidelity!! besides, it was too dark for me to check out on cute guys :p

all in all, i am tanned now. had been strolling along the shore with my bikini. owh.... back to shithole tomorrow :)

i'm slow?

so, mighty M sarcastically gave a remark that ' i just can't expect that princess picked up the mistake cos she's normally dull and slow '. well, maybe he was embarrassed that i noticed that silly mistake in his english. who doesn't know that mighty M speaks good, fluent english. he could have been romeo in the famous shakespearean play if he had been a lil bit more gorgeous. now, just try to imagine mighty M expressing his utmost love to juliet and finally sealing her lips with his juicy, pouty, thick lips. owh.... did i just said juicy? he was trying to thrust a sword into my lil knuckled-sized, actively beating heart so that i could feel the awful pain and shame for humiliating him. true to its contrary, he failed in his mission. i was not hurt at all. yet, the part on whether i was a slow person had been lingering in my mind.

I took that good for nothing IQ test in facebooK a fortnight ago and the results were poor. my IQ level was just 74. i tried to recollect what i've learnt during my psy postings on mental retardation. OK, fine... my psy knowledge had been so rusty-green that i need to open up my pinkish pointless notes. you'll have to label somebody as mentally challenged when he has an average IQ of less than 70. owh... so mine was just 4 points ahead. Dr N used to comment that i had epicanthic fold in my lil eyes. needless to say... my batchmates were all taking turns to stare at my mongolian eyes. in fact, i had to remove my specs just to let them look at how horrible those epicanthic folds were.

kf said that i'm always slow in catching up. to learn suturing is just ABCs to him... when it looks so sophisticated to me. i believe that his mommy must have forced him to do cross stitch back in ipoh. otherwise, he couldn't have pick up the skills so easily.... he managed to intubate that neonate in the skills lab yesterday when i just couldn't insert that useless tube. of course, i wasn't the only one who failed. i guess that somebody in my group is also as slow as me. wink wink

that stupidity in me is getting from bad to worst...arghh... my silly bro had acted as my mommy when i called home two days ago.. and i had actually believed that he's my mom!!! he was 'crying' and i had stupidly believed that my mom was crying. needless to say.... we ended up laughing till our bellies ached. lol

i'm a happy girl

it was the end of my bedside exam and i had resumed my role of gossiping. hehe.... well, gossiping keeps the mind active and promises a better health. at least, you will be burning up those chubby buccal fat that had incessantly keep that lil face puffy and pinchable. when i was young, i would be sitting on my daddy's lap and there he was... busy pinching my face as if it was made out of plastercine. he would mould my face into various shapes, calling me bebe, didi, tortor, chichi, shum shum, shang shang, kuai kuai... owh... now that his lil princess has grown up, he has stopped pinching my face. i guess that the amount of buccal fat had reduced significantly from the vigorous gossiping activity that had never fail to paint my day colorful. My daddy had lost interest in my cheeks once those buccal fat diminishes.

it was post-EPT and i had satisfied my taste buds by gulping down a gigantic gourmet pie, served with steaming hot mushroom soup. i must had eaten so voraciously like a glutton for i could feel that my throat was crying in pain secondary to the effect of the boiling-hot soup. i knew that some customers would be eyeing on me and commenting on how bad this young lady behaves whenever she eats. But... i couldn't be bothered because kf was not there and my poor lil tummy was growling so profusely in hunger. i had always practised good table manners whenever i dine with him. i came out with a brilliant idea once i tamed that hunger in me. i'm going to the paeds ward and i'm going to deliver a slice of expresso cheese cake to my caffeine addicted kf who had to do night postings. i don't know how does the expresso cheesy cake taste like but since he's caffeine addicted...... it must be the best choice.

i headed towards the paeds ward in my short pants. there i was.... calling my kf to meet me by the lift.

princess: bau bei, can you meet me by the lift? i am in the hospital
kf : what are you doing in the hosp? why must you come to the hospital?
princess: just come out now before Dr Shind comes. please
kf : Ok

owh... then i saw him in his well-pressed lab coat. he looked so smart with that stet on his broad shoulders. suddenly, i felt a surge of happiness in me. i had loved this boy (oops... a grown up man now) for 8 years... wow...a lot of my buddies had been asking me the same old question. when are you guys going to get married? oops... that's a tough question. first of all, he has never proposed to me yet and i am still too young to get married. i'm just 24 and there are still so many things that i want to do. i don't want to end up becoming a primigravida so soon and stay in his house. i want to be close to my daddy, mommy, kel kel, nicky and tigger. lol

he had that happiest smile being plastered on his face that night. deep down, i knew that he was happy that i sent him a cake although it was not delicious. the cheese was too thick. So pls don't waste RM 9 for a slice of espresso cheese.

kf : haha.... you acted as if my wife had came to visit me during my break.
princess : blushes...

i was then in the 4th floor of the girls' dorm. there, i met my CNN partner, ju.

ju : princess! you had not had your shower yet? you stinky bomb! you are practically stinking the whole 4th floor with your scent!!! (she was like my mom that nite, reminding me when to take my bath) so, you went to the hosp just to deliver a slice of cake to your boy boy? what about me? i stayed right opposite your room and i had nothing!!

princess : oops.... i'll get you one in 2 months time
ju : why 2 months?
princess : my birthday is coming!! yeah..... pls get ready with your presents. wink wink :p

P/s : we had tea with DR MM. owh.... it was a pin dropped silence tea. lol... i was merely avoiding her exophthalmos eyes. she wanted feedbacks from us. no matter what was the suggestion, she'll end up telling us that.... i think what the department has done is good. So, i don't think it was of any help since she would not digest any of our suggestions. lol

ignorance

i am proud to be a female. why? simply because boys are just so ignorant. i guess they must be borned insensitive. well, they don't seemed to understand their own body although they have been having that same old body for 24 years. Dr K was asking us what is the first sign of puberty in boys. Ok that was the question shoved to us two years ago in that stuffy breast feeding room in muar hospital. hmm... there we had different answers from those XYs. some said its the change of their melodious voices into deeper, horrible voices that sounded more like a frog!! one of them said it was the increase in the muscle bulk. there were a variety of wrong answers - sudden spurt in the height, getting more bushy hairs, hair start to grow in secluded areas, etc. sad to say none of the boys knew their first sign of puberty. but when the question was changed to the first sign of puberty in females, all of them uttered the same answer. 'its the development of the breast buds'. huhu.... look at how much attention they had on the magnificant hour glass female body. their first sign is the enlargement of the testicles. then, all of them were flabbergasted. one of them said..come on... how would we know when we don't examine them everyday? lol

we were in the nursery this morning. Dr G was asking skinny which testis is lower... the left or the right one. he was having severe thought block instantaneously, thinking hard. i bet he was visualising his organs to get the answer. i blurted out that the left testis is lower than the right one. Dr G was laughing. in fact all of us were laughing when Dr G said ...'how come a girl knows better although she doesn't have a testis?' See..... boys are just ignorant. don't expect them to understand the sophisticated female mind. they won't be able to do that. the higher hopes you have on them, the more broken is that fragile heart. blek

the door just would not open

the sorching sun was trying its best to tan my lovely skin. it was so humid. Shanty and i were heading back to our rooms for the endless supply of AC... when the angle of my right eye captured the vision of my best friend, 'miss tut ' sharing her umbrella with Dr So. Then Dr So made a funny remark... ' how come you girls are not using an umbrella? its so hot and you could get ur hair messy.' she was then fixing her bun that resembled marge simpson's hairstyle. in fact, she's a very nice, petite lady. i was late for her class that afternoon, busy snoring underneath my pinkish lil comforter again till it was ten past two. guess what?!! she said SORRY to me, although i was that late rascal. arghh... i did feel bad after that. i shouldn't have snored for that extra 10 minutes.

i inserted my key into the keyhole, turning it clockwise with all the energy that i had. but the lock just would not open. i could feel the fumes burning inside me. i knew that i was going to lose my temper at that point of time. my tiny feet was then making its way to the hostel security guards. i lodged a complain and went for shopping till 830 pm. mind you ... it was exactly 3 pm when i lodged the complain and nobody actually attended to me. i was so frustrated and was merely cursing the guards when i fail to enter my room that night.

i went down to fire the guards again..... 'where am i going to sleep tonight? how am i going to go to hospital tom without my coat? ' well, they couldn't do much besides apologizing. ' i am so sorry. you will have to wait for the service master to come at 8 am tom to open up your door.'
thank god, Dr L had the master key to my room.

nothing was done to my door the next morning too. to make matters worst.... i could not use my card to enter the hostel. ASSESS DENIED was printed in that beepy machine. then the guards were painting my day blue again.... 'oh girl, u tak bayar hostel fee lar.. sebab itu tak boleh masuk!' this is just so ridiculous. they expect us to pay the fees without sending a bill to our homes! the semester has not come to an end yet and they are demanding for fees. i am so sick and tired of the campus.

now.... what happened to my room door? i had to see the warden twice just to get the service master to my room. 'oh girl, the service master is in the boy's hostel. can u lock ur door? i will make sure he fix it by today'. so what! if i can lock my door means she's not going to send the service master ?!! when i was closing the warden's door, i heard her asking her colleague... 'anything to be done in the boy's hostel?' come on lar aunty warden...... you were just lying to an innocent girl like me. i bet you did not know the whereabouts of the service master. otherwise, why would you be asking that question to ur colleague?! all in all... this is just another money sucking college which had the worst system of all.