slow, fat and fucked up

so, it was another moment for a few seconds of reflection. what have i achieved for the past 4 days since the commencement of housemen shadowing? NOTHING!! i failed in all the simple procedures like blood taking ( Ok, the lady was a bit plump. nobody could noticed or feel for the veins ), inserting an IV brannula ( it was really bad. i didn't know where the needle had gone to ) and probing my lil finger into the distendable vagina ( i couldn't feel the cervix at all ).

life gets really fucked-up when your boyfriend managed to do all the procedures and you can't.he told me that his practical skills are better than mine and how slow i am. he was telling D that she'll pass her finals for sure and i am at the borderline, simply because i get panicked way too easily. so, should i weep like a baby? just like what miss SN did when she failed to withdraw blood? i remembered how difficult it was for me to learn how to take BP when i was in manipal. OK, that was supposed to be easy but i took longer than it should. i just need more time and practice. see.... its not easy being a slow learner. i took 8 years to realise that the side mirrors of a car serves a purpose. i took 4 months to realise that i couldn't feel the cervix because i did not probe deep enough, how short my fingers were and u need to probe at least 12 cm to reach the cervix.

i've learnt from experience. i could still remember the indian lady in A&E who developed an absence seizure so abruptly while she was talking to me. i didn't know what to do. i was merely standing there in a state of shock. it was like a vicious cycle. i met another malay lady who became unconcious while she was chatting with me. she was bleeding internally and was in so much pain. i held her hand and chatted with her to alleviate the pain in her. i knew how to alert the nurse when she became unconcious. i didn't stand there and stared at her anymore. she introduced me to her daughter..... inilah dr annie yang temankan mak dan tolong mak masa mak pengsan... fuyoh... so proud of myself. so, alert somebody and monitor the vitals when somebody become unconcious :p

to make matter worst.... OMY, Ju and M gave a remark that i have gain weight. Ok, its not something nice to hear. i want to highlight that you must be prepared to face cricitisms. only true friends will tell you that how much you have grown horizontally, how ugly you look with your new hairstyle, how horrible your dress is, how thick is that blusher that keeps your cheek pinkish.... There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore and who always will. So, don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason why they didnt make it to the future...

the excessive fat came from a change in my dietary habits. i have been consuming those oily food from gazebo, banana leaf rice and potatoes. i was never a fan of gazebo but had to be there just because somebody loves oily food. it has been so bad that i had to screen pics before kf upload them on facebook. i am going to go for diet now. no more fine carbo, chicken rice and potatoes. going to ban french fries... sob.. there goes my favorite food.

KF.... STOP FEEDING ME WITH OILY STUFFS! YOU ARE GETTING FAT FAT FAT!

SO I AM JUST ANOTHER SLOW, FAT, FUCKED UP MEDICAL STUDENT !!!!