9 months

daryl went for his usual vaccination at the nearest KKIA and was found to have a big head. His head circumference was 43cm when he was 6 months old and suddenly increases to 47cm. Daddy was as usual worried about his head. He was on call and PIL had to bring daryl to visit Dr Liew in KPJ. Dr Liew wanted to take his thyroid function test but decided not to do so after he realised that daryl's veins are not visible. He had too much of baby fat in his hands. Since his development is up to date (well he can crawl now) and MIL claimed that cafu used to have a big head, we have decided to just follow him up for big head. Sorry daryl. mummy promised you that there will be no vaccination today but since we were already in Dr Liew's clinic.............daddy suggested to jab you with influenza vaccine. you cried as usual

daryl went for his first ever haircut on 28/10/15. there was not much hair to trim but MIL said better to trim the long ones so that he will be less manja. well it didn't work. he is still a manjalitis. he cried during the hair cut too.

we celebrated daryl's first mooncake festival with a minion lantern and a dragon lantern. It was his lai ku's bday too. we had an ice cream cake

mummy started work on 1/10/15. i have been telling daryl that nen nen is leaving you and will be back at 5pm. Daryl has been refusing fruits & cereals for breakfast since then. He just wants porridge and takes very minimal of frozen breast milk. Just 2 - 3 oz per feed. Mummy is so worried that daryl will go into dehydration. I have to rush home during lunch hour just to direct latch my lil baby and to pump milk. he cried when he sees me at the doorstep and wants me to carry him. He cried even more when i told him that i need to bathe first. he will just cling to me like a koala bear after my bath. i can't even have my dinner. daryl wakes up early too when i go to work

That's daddy selfie with daryl while I'm at work. 

daryl started to poo poo in the potty. He will stand up once he is done with his poo poo

i hope that daryl will still love me even thou I'm working. my heart will break if he prefers MIL more than me. 

Daryl, mummy loves you so much

6 month

Started daryl on solids. i bought the avent steamer cum blender and it was awesome. i love it to the max. At least i don't have to be in the kitchen all the time while waiting for his veg meals to steam. 

I normally pump some fresh BM to dilute his cereals while waiting for the steamer to beep. i must thank Jacy for getting me his cereals all the way from singapore. She gave me healthy times brown rice cereals and HIPP rice cereals. HIPP rice cereals is sweeter and daryl prefers it more than brown rice. I bought him another box of healthy times oatmeal cereals too.

daryl doesn't like any food which is green in colour. He dislikes avocado, sweet peas, french beans and broccoli. He will stick his tongue out and said euuukkkkkkk whenever i force him to eat avocado. Since avocado is rich in fat and is important for the myelination of his neurons, i have determined to mix a lil bit of avocado in his puree. MIL said i abuse him with avocado since it really tastes bad. But i don't care. I want my boy to eat avocado.

He is a fruit lover. He normally finished the whole bowl of fruit puree. I practice baby led weaning. He grabs his bendable avent spoon with his left hand and scoop the food inside his lil mouth with his right fingers. He will suck his fingers and sometimes rub the puree all over his face. Cheepy has been advising me not to let him eat that way. The puree will cause rashes over the face. I am a very OCD mother. I can't stand seeing rashes on my boy's face too. I want him to enjoy his meals. So, i allow messiness and cleaning is done only after he finished his meals.

I have tried the following recipes

avocado

sweet potatoes

carrots

sweet potato with carrots

broccoli

apricot

apricot + banana

apricot +  pear

apple

apple + pear

banana avocado

peach

peachy avocado

sweet peas

pumpkin

pumpkin + sweet peas

pumpkin + french beans

potato + carrot + french beans

apple + pear + avocado

I mixed his fruity meals with either rice cereals, brown rice or oatmeals. 

after one month of trying, i have accomplished my mission. he takes avocado and oatmeals which he hated so much.

His poo is becoming more solid and smellier too. 

baby daryl is learning how to take sips of water from a straw cup too.

can't wait to try him on other food

when mummy goes to work, daryl will have to eat the same veg meal for the day. kelian lorry

5 months old

I am going to work next month. But daryl refuses bottle feed. He cries so badly when we attempted bottle feeding. I wonder whether it was the fishy smell of lipase that he dislikes from the frozen milk. He still prefers to latch from my nen nen.  At times, he had bounced out from the bouncing net when MIL bottle feed him. sometimes, he just spit the milk out and rather go on a hunger strike. I had try to change to a bigger avent teat. but it is to no avail. I have kept about 70 milk bottles in the deep freezer for him. I hope he will not waste them. Afterall, it is mummy's hard work.

He can now flip from his back to lie on his tummy. Daryl cries for help when he can't roll backwards. He can now suck his fingers and i believe he is an extremely talkative boy. I have started showing him flash cards and reading him bedtime stories. I wonder how much he understands but i just want his brain cells to be stimulated.

I brought him to the hospital 2 days ago to see Dr Tang. he had this very bad eczema on his right cheek which doesn't resolve with HCT. I was a bit worried that he has tinea incognito as there is areas of central clearing with a very active margins. Thank god scapping were negative for tinea. Dr Tang upgraded his steroid to emulate and it shows some tremendous improvement. Dr T asked me what is my plan. I told him that i am planning to extend my leave as nobody can take care of daryl. Meh meh decided not to take care of him due to back pain and leg pain. MIL has a business to handle. Daryl has stranger anxiety too. He goes berserk when meh meh carries him. Dr T seems to be very understanding. He told me to take my time. 

Mom suggested juli to take care of daryl but i don't feel good about it. Probably i am over protective towards my son. I really want to go to work but hubby said i cannot handle baby, work and exam at the same time

so daryl, mummy is going to extend her leaves for another 3 months just to take care of you. I am worried that you will be very cranky as you are already teething. Going to start you on solids next month. mummy is getting excited

day 11 of life

1/1/15

Happy new year!!!! The best achievement for 2014 is having baby chipsmore. 

I washed my hair today. words just can't describe how comfortable it is to have warm water and shampoo running thru my itchy scalp. unfortunately, i am down with fever after the shower. most probably it is due to breast engorgement.

I visited chipsmore in the hospital this morning. He seems to be very comfortable until the photo light. The nurse said that he doesn't sleep from 3 - 6 am. He was crying for feeds. My baby can now drink upto 3 ounces of milk.

my new year resolution : to be a good mummy and to pass PACES 

day 10 of life

31/12/14

Baby chipsmore is still jaundiced. All the way upto his lower limbs. hubby took him to KK buntong to check his bilirubin level again. This time it is above photo level. Since ward 6C in GH is terribly congested with babies, i have decided to admit him to KPJ to prevent cross infection. I called Ang prior to admission to choose the best doctor for him. I chose Dr LSF (Dr K's husband) to take care of him. According to Dr LSF, Chips is having deep jaundice. He needs to be admitted for phototherapy. the risk factor for his jaundice : mother O positive blood group, forceps delivery and GDM.

I gave him direct breast feeding before going home. I really wanted to roomed in with him but mother in law and hubby insisted that i should rest at home. Hubby will send the expressed breast milk to him. I felt so sad to leave chipsmore in the nursery. I could still remember his eyes before i dumped him there. I missed him so badly that i cried once i reached home.

I felt like everything has been my fault. Probably i am suffering from post partum blues. Mum said that how can i missed the jaundice when she can noticed it. Why never check bilirubin for 2 days? mother in law said my baby has jaundice cause i took too much ginger. Again... i feel like everybody is blaming me for his jaundice. I felt very depressed and hopeless at this point of time. Worst is spending new year eve without my baby by my side. I hope that he can be discharged home soon.

day 9 of life

30/12/14

Charmaine yi yi came to visit chipsmore today. It was fun seeing how charmaine try to carry chipsmore. She sang him ABC song and started rocking him. She claims that chipsmore is too heavy for her to carry. So, as time goes by, she leaned backwards and backwards. She nearly dropped Chips when Chips gave a loud fart.

I have decided to name chipsmore DARYL LAU KAI XIANG.

Since chipsmore is made in paris during our honeymoon, Daryl suits him. Daryl means beloved or little darling in french. Kai Xiang means able to fly high. Just don't understand why in laws still prefer ming feng. But i refuse to name my baby that.

Chips is gaining weight. Getting more active and alert. He knows how to cry for feed. He drinks so much of milk now until he wets his bed. Mamy Poko can no longer absorb his pee pee. Feeding was so difficult initially because he blocked his palate with his tongue. Now, he knows how to put his tongue down. He burps a lot too. he is also getting more puffy over his rosy cheeks.

day 6 of life

27/12/14

Arghhh..... today has been the worst day of my confinement period. My breasts were so engorged. It was so painful. I can't even sleep in left lateral position. It just hurt everywhere. I tried to use medela to pump the milk but it was so engorged until nothing is flowing out. It must have been extremely oedematous that the ducts were compressed.

Mom came for visiting today with kupo. As usual, she commented that i have not been pumping enough. Then, I scream the very moment she pinches my right areola. I donno why but I feel that she is not understanding enough. She kept commenting that my milk is so little. I cried after she left.

On the contrary, hubby has been very supportive. He bought me cold compress from manjaku mall. He said money doesn't matter. I cried to sleep. feeling depressed that i don't have enough milk for chipsmore. feeling scared that i will get fever when milk can't be expressed. I also cry because i felt touched with what cafu has done to support me. I just love you so much bao bei.

With the cold compress, the pain subsided. The confinement lady gave me some warm water to massage my breasts. Milk started flowing out again and phew............what a relief

day 5 of life

26/12/14

The Maternal and child health nurse came visiting today. Chips is again jaundiced up to his chest. Cafu has to bring him to the buntong clinic to check his jaundice level. Thank god that it is under photo level again.

Eric and Sheao Loei came for visit today. Chips opens his eyes wider and said hmm when he was given his very first ang pao. We felt much better after chips was examined by sheao loei. Moro's was complete. We had a good laughter on how many times cafu did moro's per day.

Milk is starting to kick in but still insufficient for chipsmore. medela has became my good friend.
We then discussed chip's chinese name with eric. eric's mandarin is just superb. there is a list of name given by the astrologer mak sing loong. father in law is very keen on naming him ming feng. But i find it so 'kolot'.

In the end, we came up with the name
Darren Lau Kai Jye ( which means armour and able to protect himself)

the confinement lady came today. i felt very anxious when she started handling chipsmore.
when she bathes chipsmore, i am afraid that she will trip and fall. when she washes the hair first instead of the face, i got upset. Im just not willing to trust anybody to take care of chipsmore. So, i spent most of the time scrutinising the confinement lady. I made her wash chipsmore's face first. I asked her how many babies she has taken care of. I just don't want my baby to be her experiment.

Anyway, we were both less exhausted with the arrival of the confinement lady. Just going to ignore the unhygienic part of her. Dr Oh said old ladies are like that.

day 4 of life

25/12/14

It is finally christmas day. I really miss the christmas buffet that hubby usually planned for both of us. I miss seeing the christmas deco in the shopping malls. I made cafu to promise that he will bring me and chips for christmas buffet next year.

We have been giving formula milk to chips. I tried using the medela breast pump today. Woah.. finally some milk is there. I just love my medela pump. 

After consulting Hng for the amount that we should feed, chips is more active. He opens his eyes and smile.

My in laws have decided to get us a confinement lady. Of course, mom is not happy about it. But she doesn't understand that we have been so tired. Cafu just couldn't wake up in the morning. I guessed that it was worst that doing medical call. I donno how kupo will feel. I hope she doesn't mind.

Chips was dressed up nicely for photo shooting today

He is trying his best to turn over ...................... Another awesome development. Thanks to DHA

day 3 of life

24/12/14

It is chip's day 3 of life. I find it very disturbing at times with the frequent vital signs monitoring and antibiotic administration. Just couldn't sleep well. Chips has his BCG today and was noted to have slight jaundice. he was put under photo while waiting for his bilirubin level.  It felt so hurtful to see him under the photo naked because he was cold. Both of us were discharged the very same day. His jaundice is below photo level. Mom bought a cake for the 1st mat staff as a token of appreciation. 

Boss and the staff from skin department came today. they gave me a bag to put baby items. Of course, brother Ang TS came and gave me more moral support. 

The rain finally stopped on the day of discharge.

We went to manjaku mall to get a pillow for breast feeding. Sister Leong has made a very good recommendation. At least, my muscles no longer ache while feeding chipsmore.

To initiate breast feeding is not at all simple. I do not know how much milk chips is taking. As a result, he went into another episode of hypo. Sugar was just 1.7. Cafu and I were both so worried that he might end up having cerebral palsy. He wasn't crying for hunger. He just kept sleeping. The new daddy kept doing moro's reflex just to make sure that he is fine.

Mom told me to stay in cafu's house during confinement. She said cafu is not comfortable in my house. True as it is but we were both dead tired taking care of chipsmore. We just can't handle him without the help of a confinement lady.

day 2 of life

23/12/14

It is post op day 1. I am doing fine. Ambulating in the ward the next morning and sitting up to try breast feeding. it felt weird when chipsmore started sucking on the nipple. I know that his stomach is still very small and i do not need to feed him much. But i have GDM and he is at risk of hypoglycaemia. During his stay in the hospital, he had one episode of hypoglycaemia. paediatric has seen him and planned for discharge once the sugar is stable. 

Family members and colleagues came visiting. Ang TS has been very supportive. It is very rare to get a male colleague who knows so much about breast feeding. He shared his papaya soup with pork recipe with me. He even gave his wife's number so that i can consult her when i have difficulty to breast feed. Getting chipsmore to latch has not been easy. my muscles ache when i carry him. I just can't put my areola inside his mouth. Nurses has been helping me occasionally. It seems so simple when they are around. But when i am alone, i just can't feed chipsmore. We had to give him frequent formula milk.

Cafu has been staying with me in the hospital the whole time. Chipsmore laughed at day 1 of life. It was really scary to both of us. Probably DHA has done its wonders.

The room 1 that i was staying must have been haunted. I could hear another baby crying beside my bed. I don't dare to look at that side and kept waking cafu up to on the lights. 

day 1 of life

22/12/14

It was a rainy day. The sun was no where to be seen. I woke up earlier than usual, feeling anxious most of the time. I was terrified of the operative procedure and pain. I wore my favourite pink preggie dress and had a last picture with baby chipsmore inside me. I am seriously going to miss his kicking.

We registered at the labour room and got my room in the first maternity block. A nurse came and took my vital signs. Had my very first CTG done while chipsmore was sleeping. He was doing fine. CTG was reactive. Of course, houseman came and took consent. He looked really blur cos he gave me the wrong consent form. Instead of LSCS, he gave me a consent for laparoscopy. Then, he offered to set my iv cannula. Gosh!!! I was already terrified with him. So, requested for the hubby to set my iv cannula. He must have been anxious too because he took three attempts , kept telling me to trust his skills. But it was to avail. He failed to set my line and had to request for GA to help me. Thank god Dr N was on call that day. I got to know her while we had indian food in Tandoor Grill with thiru and kai ma Vny. I  again felt comfortable with her. One attempt and yay!! got my IV line. Out of all the procedures that i need to go through, Cafu's branula insertion was the most painful.

My op was scheduled to be at 2pm. I had these profuse sweating episodes with abdominal pain prior to op. Silly me. I was actually in labor but i tot i was having panic attack. The diligent nurse put her hand on my abdomen and told me that i was having contractions. But, i refused to trust her. I got more scared while listening to ladies screaming out of delivery pain in the labour suite.

Soon, it was time for my op. The maternal OT was super duper cold. I was practically shivering non stop. Everything was blur because i was not allowed to wear my spectacles. Mom came in to accompany me. Hubby was there too. I felt relaxed almost instantaneously once i saw Dr T. Dr N gave me my spinal. I could feel the numbness creeping up slowly from the distal end of my toes to my abdomen. Of course i could still feel the gauze when Dr T was rubbing the povidone over my abdomen. Then i remembered what rani told me. Its ok. you will still feel them touching you and you will feel the pushing force. She actually enjoyed her LSCS. 

Dr T said there was no fat in my abdomen but it was very vascular. So, he asked whether i took traditional medication. he had to cauterized quite a bit. He tried to make a small incision for me cos it will be less painful. Chips was just 2.7 kg during his last scan at 36 weeks. We never expected him to be so big. The O&G team couldn't pull chipsmore out and had to use a forceps. Chips cried vigorously and i was relieved. Paeds team stand by for my baby too. I gave a quick peck on the chip's cheek before they took him away to the nursing room. I could see the reflection of my exposed abdomen via the gigantic OT lights which illuminates the whole operation theatre. I had always wanted to see my own uterus. Chips was delivered at 2.45 pm with a good weight. Mummy gave him his first spoon feeding.

Dr T told me that i was already in labour because my os was opened. So, somehow i feel that i chose the right day, the right time, the right mode of delivery for chips. I couldn't expressed how grateful i am to have Dr T as my O&G dr during the entire pregnancy. 

It has been raining the whole day. It stopped raining a lil while when chips was delivered. Chips, Kelantan had the worst flood disaster on the day when you were born. The rain never stopped till the 3rd day when you finally got discharged. 

Cafu and chips were both by my side in the first mat block. Ku po cooked a lot of nice food for me as well. we still donno what to name chips.

pregnancy diary

it has been quite a while since the last time i blogged. I have now become mummy to the most adorable lil angel. We have been calling him baby chipsmore. Baby Chips was conceived in Paris during our honeymoon. His EDD was supposed to be on 1st January 2015 but he had to say hello to this world earlier on 22/12/14 via elective LSCS. Just a recap on what had happened during the entire pregnancy.

At 5 weeks of POA, i had threatened abortion. Went to see this particular malignant O&G MO Dr S. A TVS was done and was told that the sac is good. As usual, it is extremely difficult for a medical officer to get MC. She told us that no matter what, whether i work or i don't, whether i rest or not, baby chips will only have 50% of survival rate. She even scolded me for not filling up the details in my pink book. I went to work as usual. 

Being a new MO in Ipoh has some disadvantages as well. I do not know any doctors from O&G. Thank god mom has been working in the labour room for pain service and she suggested me to follow up with the fertility specialist Dr T. I remembered vividly that i called Dr T for an appointment during the PV bleed and he was visiting Cameron Highlands GH.

Me : Dr T, I am having PV bleed. I think its threatened abortion. Can i see you today?
Dr T : Sure, come to Cameron Highlands GH

That was my first encounter with Dr T. Somehow i felt very comfortable with him. We had a few serial scans done. He assured me that chipsmore is fine and prescribed me some duphaston tablets to strengthen the pregnancy . Sorry chipsmore. Mummy didn't take duphaston because it caused severe migraine.

Anxious hubby is always pestering me to rest. He has been telling me that the hospital will not collapse without me. Boss wants me to rest as well and he proudly said that he has enough MO to run the department. 

At 6 weeks of POA, Chipsmore went missing. We could not locate his fetal pole from the TVS. Sac was still in good shape. Dr T told us that i might have a missed abortion. Since the sac is still nice, he told us to wait for a week. I will have to go for dilatation and curettage if the sac remains empty during the next scan. Cafu and I were both so devastated with the bad news. I thought  that I was strong. I believe that Chipsmore must have been abnormal or maybe God doesn't think that i will be a good mother. That was why he had to take him back. I cried for few days at home. I kept wondering why God had to take Chipsmore away without even letting me see her ( ** well, i used to think that chipsmore is a girl ). I started blaming myself for working too hard.

We couldn't wait for a week. It was a mental torture. So, we requested for another scan. Finally, Dr T showed us chipsmore and his fetal heart sounds. It was a relieved for the both of us. That is why we call him chipsmore. Asha named him that.

I was diagnosed to have GDM at 11 weeks of POA. I was very strict with my diet until there was not much of weight gain during the initial part of pregnancy. Since i was always hungry, Dr L told me to eat. Worst is inject insulin. BSP has been stable all the while. I do get my monthly treats of haagen dazz, stickies and secret recipe cakes.

chipsmore had a choroid plexus cyst in his brain during the next scan at about 12 weeks. Dr T claims that choroid plexus cyst usually resolves by 25 weeks and its normal in most pregnancies. In view of my family history of edward syndrome, i was then referred to Dr J for a detail scan . Detail scan showed choroid plexus cyst but no ventriculomegaly. we were then counselled for amniocentesis. There is no point keeping a child with trisomy 18 because he is not compatible with life. amniocentesis was then done and it was a relief to know that chipsmore has normal chromosomes 46 XY.

when i first felt his quickening,  it was like little butterflies fluttering inside me. then i could appreciate his kicks better. sometimes he would be wriggling inside like a worm. i can grab his elbows and knees at times. 3rd trimester was the most uneventful. i was basically enjoying every moment of it. i tired easily. i no longer walk up the hospital tower block and no longer on call.

it was finally the time to decide on the mode of delivery. Dr T asked me to think about elective LSCS vs SVD. there is high rate of fetal distress. I was very scared with delivery pain despite epidural. after all that we have gone thru, i don't want to risk my baby anymore. I have finally decide for elective LSCS even thou cafu was against it. Everybody gave me the funny smirk when they know that i opt for elective caesar. I got tired of explaining. So when i got irritated, i will tell them that..... Look, Chipsmore is my baby. I will sign the operative consent. I decide on the mode of delivery.

My in laws are very superstitious. They had to choose a good date after consulting an astrologer. I don't know what good dates meant. But i chose 22/12/14 because that is the day mom is around, Dr T is on call and it is a monday ( ** I want to enjoy the weekend after eating tong yuen ). 

being the M&HO in KKIA

Time really flies...  It has almost been a year as a medical & health officer in PKD . To begin with, i had never requested for a placement in the health side. I prefer the busy settings and the adrenaline rush in the hospital. I strongly believed that i will not gain any knowledge and my hands on skills will be gone once i serve my duty in the health side. When Dr U decided to put me in KKIA, i begged her to put me in the OPD. My passion has always been in medical. To deal with preggies is definately a NO - NO. Needless to say, my attempt to escape from KKIA fell on deaf ears. I was hopeless and speechless. I started weeping almost instantaneously in the sedan. Then there I was praying wistfully for a miracle.

Cafu showed me the way to the clinic on the very same day. We were both outside the clinic. The clinic is a two storey building, looked really old with its coat of beige painting. I was still sobbing when he asked me to have a look inside the KKIA. I refused to do so. The nurses would have just giggled and laughed at this lil crying baby who is going to be a doctor there.  Cafu told me the staffs are very helpful and he surveyed the parking. Damn! Then i realized, the next problem will be...... driving to work and how to park the car in the clinic. There are no side parkings. What to do when there is a maternal mortality? What if i just missed something and that simple mistake lead to the death of the mother? Do I have to go to the JKN? What if i missed a placenta previa and the mother just bleeds and die at home? What to do if a preggy just decided to fit in the clinic and i am alone?

The beginning has always been the most difficult. Thank god my YM Dr S has been very kind to me. She has never scolded me before. She taught me how to use the scan machine. It was indeed a culture shock when i first saw that scan machine. You have to really squint your eyes in order to get a clear view of the CRL. Then she taught me how to kiao the cha cha ( vagina ) and also to put things inside the cha cha.

Holding the antenatal cards alone caused some amount of stress. I must be good enough to identify the maternal problems, picked them up and refer them to hsah. I had to ask JM June what to document in the antenatal cards. She has taught me well. Dr, just document properly. Cover your ass

There are a lot of problematic patients in the KKIA. I can still remember them vividly

1) my very first patient had PIH on treatment and came with proteinuria. uric acid was increasing trend. Case was admitted immediately and her baby was delivered the same day.

2) A patient with PIH on labetalol has been complaining of headache for 2 days came to KD. BP was 160/100, proteinuric. I accompanied this IE patient to the hospital. BP upon arrival was 180/120. She was initiated on MgSO4. Due to some unfortunate anaesthetic complications, she succumbed to her death. She developed sepsis post operatively. Had a very bad hospital acquired pneumonia and was started on tazocin. We were so afraid that she might be our first maternal mortality case. She finally knocked on heaven's gate 3 months post delivery.

3) Being a M&HO is different from a medical officer. we are expected to go down to the field. There is a baby who developed severe NNJ at day 4 of life. both parents refuses admission despite explaining the complications of SNNJ. I had to go to their house, called the husband in langkawi just to explained to them why is SNNJ so dangerous to the baby. I was really scared to talk to them. Finally, i understood why their refuses admission. They were in a state of poverty. they could not afford the hospital bills. isn't it sad?

4) Nothing good happens on a thursday when Dr S is not around. I will received funny calls exactly at 11 am. one of it was pregnant lady fitted near the mosque. My JM and i rushed to the scene. Thank god, it was not eclampsia but it was merely chills and rigor. the mummy to be was admitted for pneumonia

5) Not to forget the notorious M. M has very poor controlled of her type 1 DM. she is a G2P1 and she made all of us promise not the tell her boyfriend that she had a baby b4. How could a man not know that her wife had deliver a baby earlier? wouldn't the episiotomy scar be visible? wouldn't it be loose when they had SI? we had to provide transport for her to go for antenatal follow up in the hospital. Once she is there, she sat outside the clinic and will never go for her follow up. She is never compliant to her diabetic diet and hematinics. God has been kind enough to her. Her baby is well and she is proud of her baby. The nurses had to go to her house just to make sure that she japs her insulin correctly. Her DXT was 23 after delivery. Haiz... she defaulted her NCD follow ups as usual.

there are many more manjalitis patients... a lot of them refuses IM imferon. even if they do agree for imferon, they will still buat muka manja

will be missing every single bit of my days in KKIA SP, Dr S, Dr C, Dr L, and also the awesome lunch gossip moments with the bakar arang team :p

there.... no more under 5 mortalites or matermal mortalies

i will be going to the eye department on 15/1/13

a lil note

to the blood bank MO

today i requested 3 pints of WB for the same patient who collapsed in the ward

i told him that the patient is going for op TRO ectopic pregnancy and i need 3 pints of WB

so there he was............... shouting at me over the phone

so, u need the blood to push up the BP?

HOW RIDICULOUS?

YOU ARE REALLY SO RIDICULOUS LAR

hello blood bank MO, do u know that ectopic pregnancy can rupture and patient can end up having haemoperitoneum? then the BP will drop.... patient will go into shock?

what if one day your wife gets an ectopic and the MO blood bank does not allow the whole blood?

if you think that i am ridiculous, i will say that u are brainless

good night

PLEASE BE REMINDED THAT U WERE ONCE A HOUSE OFFICER

to those new MOs, please be reminded that you were once a house officer!!!!!!

i have heard plenty of stories about new MOs. Most of them are so arrogant and it is never easy to approach them.

there is a young nulliparous lady who collapsed in the ward today. Ooi and me attended the patient stat. we ordered the vital signs to be taken stat. Noted that BP was lowish. it was 82/52mmHg and upon examination patient was cold + clammy. patient is not hypertensive nor she has any preexisting heart problems. I ordered the diligent nurse to run 1 pint HM fast to push up the BP. Patient soon regain conciousness. I told Ooi to call MO stat because patient collapsed in the ward ( as every case in O&G has to be discussed with MO). While waiting for the MO, i set another large bore brannula. It was not easy. all the veins were collapsed.

so, there comes the new MO and the first thing she asked both of us was............' annie, ooi... u orang dah poster ke berapa? ' we told her that we were both 4th posters. There came the bomb from her. ' u know patient collapsed rite? why can't both of u call a 6th poster to attend the patient '..................i got irritated. so, a 4th poster should not resuscitate a patient? we tried our best to stabilize the patient, did all we could...........and yet this is what she told us. i guessed only 6th poster got the brains to resuscitate patients. all the 4th posters should just be the clerks! both of us may not be the best HO but at least we did something. we did not leave the patient alone. is it wrong again?

i just don't understand why would new MOs be so biatchy and arrogant. whenever i inform a non reactive CTG to biatchy Dr M, she will say ' nanti aku mai lar.... u nak aku buat apa??' how could a MO take things so easily. O&G is about saving 2 lifes. irresponsible MOs should never take up O&G

i used to respect MOs for their knowledge, for the responsibilities...... but now, i am so sorry to say that i look down on them. stop complaining about HO. You were once a HO. No doubt that we will do mistakes. If we do, teach us. Don't complain...... so if MO does a mistake, is it acceptable?

slut vs biatch

so, is slut a better word than biatch?

everybody does mistakes. nobody is perfect. i did a mistake today for not informing high BP in a 5 years old child with acute glomerulonephritis. well, i was so tensed up for my presentation. who will not be stressed up? i will get extended if i do not present for CMEs. i had totally forgotten about the high BP. blamed in on the aging brain cells. Biatchy Dr L made a big fuss over it. She shouted at me so loudly at the nurses' counter. As usual, i was so lazy to explain anything. I was gullible enough to join this profession one year ago and thanks to those pathetic assholes out there for moulding me into a smarter person. I had learnt that no matter how well i try my best to explain, nobody will listen because I am just another useless houseman. I admit that it is entirely my fault for not informing my medical officer about the high BP but is it necessary to tell boss about it? the child was perfectly fine, did not throw a fit nor he had projectile vomiting. why can't she just scold me in the ward and forgets about it? why must she be so biatchy? now...............do you have to be that biatchy to be boss's pet? then she demanded me to write an explaination letter for boss

well, she is just a chronic MO. she does not have the authority to ask me to write an explaination letter! Damn it! i will write the letter willingly if boss wanted it. why must she be so biatchy again?

all in all, boss scolded me on her behalf. i am still pissed at her
i am not going to call her a slut because slut is a better word than biatch!!!
so biatchy woman!! i will be better than you one day!!
you are lucky that i am not interested in this field
otherwise, u will have to write for me and i will shout at you like how u used to do to me and my fellow colleagues. ' ohh biatchy Dr L, can't u write faster? why is your handwriting so ugly? '

for goodness sake, you were once a houseman!
do you have to be so mean to your HOs?

at least boss is nice enough to appreciate what i have done in the ward and telling me to take this as a lesson. no wonder, Dr K said that i am a bad HO. maybe i am. i had always been notorious. i am trying my best to be a good girl. what else do you people want from me?!!!!!!

So Dr L, FUCKED OFF!!!!!!
i will be better than you one day

gonna read my ECG book today..........

in the end, slut is still a better word than biatch.

guilty

my baby has finally knocked his lil knuckle on heaven's gate. well, he is not biologically my baby. since i started my paediatrics rotation, i had been calling my lil patients 'my babies'. i talked to them. i cuddled them and sometimes its so nice to have them in your arms. they are tiny, warm, cute, rosy pink and active. Unfortunately, this baby was an exception. he was never active. Since he was tachypnoiec at birth, he was put on nasal CPAP for 14 days. He was perfectly fine until i was in charged of the ventilatory section of NICU. Blamed it on the death angle who has never failed to be my best friend. he was then intubated and requiring triple inotropic support. soon, he developed all the complications of prematurity - intraventricular haemorrhage, necrotising enterocolitis, jaundice and septicaemia. his septicaemia was so bad that it had led to panophthalmitis. we had no choice but to suture his eyelids to prevent exposure keratitis. when my specialist broke the bad news to the baby's parents, i felt like weeping. that was when i saw the never ending love that parents have for their newborn. Seeing their critically ill child brought tears to the mother's eyes. Being a strong devotee of buddhism, i believed that every sufferings will come to an end. God must have loved this tiny baby more than any of us. He was then gone, being supported only by ventilators and inotropes. His mother did not want us to off the ventilatory support. For goodness sake, that was her only child and soon i learnt that his father had an extramarital affair. How pitiful..... she lost her son and her husband. she has nothing left.

All in all, I hate cheaters and false hopes. I hate people who don't even know how to treasure me as a friend. For those who think that i am even worst than those unwanted people in your life, please stay away. I just want to be your friend. is it so difficult? I don't think i need you at all because i have a bunch of awesome girlfriends.

i guessed its time for me to pay more attention to the people around me. i just realized that even CCU staff nurses are taking good care of me. they changed the bedsheets for me and gave me a new blanket to sleep whenever i am postcall. Some of them are just like my mother. they made me feel so at home in SP. i felt so ashamed of myself for not knowing their names. i am so sorry if i had neglected anybody. i will grow up and be a better person. muacks!!

where has the sunshine gone?

it has been exactly 2 months since i stepped my lil feet into internal medicine. All the senior HOs gave bad remarks about this department. Obviously i was scared to be a medical HO. Did not apply for medicine as my 2nd posting but i guessed i was given medicine for some reasons. I don't believe in God but i should just clasped my hands and thank him for putting me in medicine. Otherwise, i won't get the chance to meet some of the nicest people on earth. most of them left and i am feeling a lil bit bored.

i guessed i have to learn how to be responsible for all the silly things that i had done. I posted a comment in facebook and my big boss got to know about it. I was merely dictating what she scolded me and for that, i am being punished. I tried to be strong but its not easy to be one. Promised myself that i will still stay cheerful in medicine but i failed. somebody once commented that i brought sunshine to the department. I wonder where the sunshine had gone.

now that i am being punished, i have to work extra hard

1) i have to do all the discharges on my own without help

2) i have to clerk all the cases that came into the ward on my own. nobody is supposed to even take blood for me. i can manage 9 cases in 4 hours. that is another record

3) i am not allowed to go to the clinic

4) i have to do morning rounds alone with my MO when all the other HOs were sent to the clinic. it was not a tough job cos i know all the cases in the ward.

5) whenever boss is on call, i have to be on call

6) whichever ward she is posted to next month, i have to follow her to her ward

7) all the simple procedures in the ward would be done by me

8) all the scans will have to be spoken by me to the radiologists

9) all the NIA forms is to be filled up by me

10) i have 9 on calls this month. the others got 6 calls to do

all in all, i guessed that i am doing one man show in the ward

i am taking this punishment as a challenge

will prove to her that i am capable although i am a slow learner

i shall survive

everybody is talking bout my facebook story in the entire hosp

i hope they will stop doing so

the other specialists can't stop laughing at me whenever they see me around

one of them wanted to refer me to psy

for goodness sick, i am not depressed yet

lesson of the day : miss annie is not going to be active in facebook for the next two months

tears of guilt

69/ chinese/ uncle

was admitted for sepsis secondary to infected sacral sore, acute on chronic renal failure secondary to dehydration, infected left lateral malleolus DM foot ulcer, hypochromic microcytic anemia - post transfused 2 pints of packed cells, diabetic and hypertension

his wife noted that he was staring blankly at home, not responding to call and gave a history of poor oral intake for the past one week.

we did a plain CT brain for him and noted to have hypodensities over the right caudate nucleus and right external capsule. this is his 3rd admission for recurrent stroke.

started him on ryle's tube feeding and he was tolerating orally for the past 6 days

we had to maintain his low BP with inotropes.

his GCS was always 11/15. he had always wanted to tell me something but there was no voice

his non hemiplegic hands were always grabbing mine

somehow, i knew he was begging me to release him - we had to restraint him for he was strong enough to pull out his ryle's tube

that day, i weaned him off from his NPO2 as he had an oxygen saturation of 99 %
unfortunately, he started to desaturate that night itself and stopped breathing at 5.30am
pupils were fixed and dilated, unresponsive to light

his 'so called' filial sons came
i had to break the bad news to them that their papa was no longer around
they were then sobbing, squeezing out tears of guilt


they had never been to the ward, unless i called them over
i wanted them to learn how to feed the old man by ryle's tube and how to take care of the bed sores
i was at the verge of scolding them through the phone
what is the point of crying when it is too late to do so?


this is the first uncle who passed away under my care
i had blamed myself for weaning him off from his nasal prong oxygen
but then, medical patients are just so unpredictable
they just choose to desaturate and knock on heaven's door